Entry 383; Day 432

[misterblackbird]

What a charming new detail I seem to be wearing today:



I woke up with this embroidered on all my clothes. It won't unravel, it won't cut off, and it won't unknot. It really is very finely stitched, I must say. In another place or time, it would be a shame to try to cut it off--in a place that suited it, I mean. But, really, it hardly belongs on my coat.

It took a moment this morning, but I remember this curse now. I recall that the first time this letter appeared, I couldn't puzzle it out--at first, at least. When I saw that most everyone had a letter and I realised what the City was referencing in all this, I had expected it to be an 'M' or a 'P' when I first saw it. But I understand why it is the letter it is.

It's very clever, City, really, to make us all play along in 'The Scarlet Letter'. I read that, you know, back in my own world. It was a bit heavy-handed in parts, but entertaining enough. But you've taken the titular detail and thrown it on all of us. So now we're all to wear our own scarlet letters that mark us for our sins and wrongdoings. I suppose this marks the saints among us, if anything.

It's not very clever, really. If we're supposed to be made miserable by this, I suppose it makes us all reflect on the things we've done. There might be some misery in that. Or perhaps it's the shame of being seen wearing a letter. I suppose I don't care if anyone sees me wearing this letter. Everyone seems to have one, so we all look alike. And if anyone asks what it means, one can simply refuse to answer. That was the trick for Hester Prynne: everyone knew what she'd done and she was forced to wear a mark for it. Here, we're all wearing marks and no one knows what we've done. Nor need they ever.

I shall let you all wonder what my letter means, nor the 'M' nor the 'P' I expected the first time. Of course I have a letter, the same as most everyone else. But you won't know its meaning now or ever.

[Private || Unhackable]

But this is my letter. I remember this, and I remember how I felt when I realised its meaning that first time.

This is my letter. It's the whole of my existence. It is my existence. Everything turns on this. Everything I've ever done and everything I'll ever do depends upon this letter. From this sin spring all my other sins. This is my sin, the gravest sin I've ever committed, and I know I have committed many sins. I am far from a saint.

But I undid this so many years ago and with my own hands. I cleansed this sin. I made it not a sin. I freed myself of it. This is not my sin anymore.

Or did I not? I did not. One cannot simply turn a sin into a virtue.

I did not. The sinner is still here, the one who calls it a sin is still here. The one wronged and the one who wronged him are still here.

But I broke free of that. I cleansed it with his blood. I used blood to clean blood. But I didn't escape entirely.

I tried, but the stain is too deep. It's in my very blood. The fact remains.

If we're to wear a mark for our sins today-- God put a mark on Cain-- And I, Cain, bear those marks--

Riff-- Help me-- Why aren't you here when I need you?--

[//end private filter]

~C.

[ooc: This is my letter. I have to wear it. Durr durr durr... Okay, "B" is a little complicated: I was going to give him "M" for murder or "P" for poisoner or patricide, but "B" stands for "Birth" or "Birthright" or even "Blood"--the worst thing Cain has ever done is having been born. Alexis curses his very existence and blames him for messing up his happy incest tiems. Cain is the result of that incest, he feels irredeemable, his father cursed him, and tragedy follows him wherever he goes. I'm kind of basing the idea on the whole Alexis-thinks-he's-god thing. However, Cain will never, ever talk about his parentage, so don't expect him to explain this, nor have dropped even the barest hint of it in conversation ever.]

Comments

[voice]

[stillthequeen.livejournal.com]

Hmm... So are you making a bit of a game out of guessing, then? How exciting.

[voice]

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

No, I don't mean to make a game out of it. I simply don't mean to say what it is.

[voice]

[stillthequeen.livejournal.com]

Hm. So that would imply you have an idea as to it's meaning.

[voice]

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

Of course I do. It's my letter, after all.

[voice]

[stillthequeen.livejournal.com]

I see. I suppose one would always know their own... Shortcomings.

[voice]

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

Or sins, as the case may be.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

There's a story behind it, then? I remember the last time this curse came around, but I never knew why the sin took the shape of a letter.

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

It's a novel, actually. A woman commits adultery and, for her punishment, is made to wear a scarlet letter representing her sin. She actually embroiders her own letter in crimson and gold and wears it almost with pride--after all, the adultery was out of love.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

And that's that? Her punishment is simply to make everyone aware of what she did and shame her for it?

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

I think she was driven out of the village too, though I don't recall all the details now. But, yes, that was most of it.

[primrosella.livejournal.com]

Hm. I'm not quite sure what to think of that, honestly. It doesn't seem quite right somehow, but at the same time I'm not entirely sure what a better response to it all would be. It doesn't sound like a very nice story, in any case.

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's not a very nice story, as far as stories go, but it's an interesting one.

[willofthewinds.livejournal.com]

[And she's just gonna guess everyone's letters away~ Have at it with her huge 'S' on her right cheek.] 'Breathtaking'?

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

No, I'm afraid not. It's something rather less flattering.

[willofthewinds.livejournal.com]

People often say that. 'Brazen'?

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

It's meant to be a mark of something done wrong.

I am a little brazen sometimes, but no.

1/?

[willofthewinds.livejournal.com]

Something... done wrong?

[willofthewinds.livejournal.com]

[Now, she wonders what her 'S' means.]

3/3

[willofthewinds.livejournal.com]

But, how can you all be so sure about it?

[princess-crow.livejournal.com]

Hmpf. Again. This is redundant and tiresome.

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

The City often repeats its curses, you know. Perhaps for the benefit of newcomers.

[princess-crow.livejournal.com]

I know, Earl. As long the embroidery doesn't remain in my favorite blouse after midnight.

[doujin-dork.livejournal.com]

[does not get it, although she guesses the M and P, but-] Huh. Your letter's a lot fancier than the rest I've seen today.

[misterblackbird.livejournal.com]

I suppose I'm just fortunate in that way.

[doujin-dork.livejournal.com]

Eh-heh, yeah. I guess.

A-And at least this curse isn't too bad, so long as you don't think about the letters.